TWEEDY'S STORY

This is the story of an old lady called Tweedy Connor Conservative. Tweedy was raised by New England parents with austere values.  I must say there were times in her life the said Tweedy did not respect certain conventional ideas of her parents.  She did look at Denny's peeper when she was about ten years old, but ran away while he was zipping his pants and didn't have to show hers.  As a teenager, there were some drinking incidents which she worried might get back to her parents....expecially the one where she left Joanne's slumber party, got in the car with six other kids, drove to the reservation and shared the half pint of Sloe Gin.  Tweedy reported to all her friends how drunk they were, but no one noticed.

Tweedy had two fabulous husbands who were even more conservative than she is.  The first called David, a charming, traditional, button-down Ivy Leaguer who was definitely not opposed to being liberal when it came to sex and drinking.  However, in college and his working career he managed to impress the throngs with his custom make suits from Brooks Brothers.  Husband number two, also a charming Ivy Leaguer, (notice the word" traditional" is missing) really didn't care if his working clothes came from Sears or Goodwill, but his hunting and fishing clothes needed to come from no less conservative establishments as Orvis and Britain's Barbour.

That would be Tweedy's background....fast forward to 2011, technology, and her kids.  Yikes!!  Tweedy had a date today....Match.com.....Match suggested an old and traditional restaurant in Freeport....one of Tweedy's favorites.  She was impressed that he had picked up on that in their email correspondence.

Tweedy was wearing a mundane taupe outfit chosen by sister Sue and jewels also selected by Sue .  "Ahh, le turquoise, it shows off your eyes."   Just enough jewels so he didn't think she was rich or try to get her on her way home.  Holding her stomach in and standing tall, she entered the lobby where a man rose to his feet and said, "Hello, I have brought you some candy".  Sweet, but Tweedy was staring in astonishment at this Match Adonis.  Actually, she told me privately she said,"Oh Shit" to herself.  Standing before everyone in the lobby was a 75 year old man, surely of old Boston Irish extraction, wearing jeans and a double breasted tan sport coat with the cuffs of his shirt rolled over the sleeves of the jacket  Since the sleeves were pushed up it was easy to see two bracelets on one arm.  Looked like bicycle chains to Tweedy.  Each hand was decorated with rings...rubies and diamonds.  On the other wrist was a very doodad watch, the size of a small alarm clock. Well, one didn't have to wear glasses to see what time is was across the table....which Tweedy did all through lunch.

Seated at a table in front of the fire, the first thing Match did was comb his hair, then he asked what Tweedy would like to drink. "Ah, ice water and lemon, please". " Und Sir, what for you"?  "I'll have a Manhatten, straight up with two cherries"....... Again, Tweedy said to herself "Oh shit".  The meal was served...a wrap for Madam and the Haddock dinner for Monsieur.  As Tweedy was wolfing down her wrap, Match was regaling her with his philosophies which were at least one eights of an inch deep and at the same  time commenting on his lunch/dinner which was a "good deal for the price," "a lot of  food" and his slow pace as an eater.

Half a wrap down and Match ordered his second Manhattan explaining there was too much food.  Tweedy, her usual polite self, did not say, "try swallowing some, most of it is on your  face...whoops, cold slaw on your cheek.  Why are you laughing?  You can't even see how you look...dribbling food from your mouth."  As he finished the second Manhattan, Match was in a land of his own wondering why women blew him off.  Tweedy had a "dentist appointment and had to leave.  Whe she got home she called her kids and friends and begged them not to encourage her participation in dating programs.  The fee is $60.00, she only had a $10.00 wrap and thinks if Match had not had so much to drink, he probably would have remembered to fart.